Take me out tonight

Nice looking lady pirate seeks sexy socialist. Must like dogs. Upon meeting you I will be nervous and tell stupid jokes. I will also swear a lot. If I ever come to your house I will scour your shelves for good books and good music and I will judge you on this basis. Special skills include being able to identify most forest animals by their footprints alone, a skill I was completely unaware of until an especially exciting episode of University Challenge. I will beat you at University Challenge. Other excellent skills: eye of the hawk, ear of the wolf, strength of the bear, speed of the puma. Must have own house, car, hair and teeth. If you like the Buble or the Lighthouse Family we are not going to get on. If you pick me up for our first date and you're playing there is a light that never goes out then you have fulfilled a small fantasy. If you are Graham Coxon even better. I'll do pretty much anything for a pack of bourbons. To be fair I only used some of the above when writing my online dating profile. I didn't expect to be single at 32 and it has been almost entirely shit so far. That said I possess this overwhelming belief that this is all transient and that I am definitely going to meet someone at some point that will totally blow me away with his sheer brilliance. Optimistic I know but I just think it's going to happen and the thought that I have yet to meet him is pretty exciting. So in the meantime, I will continue to browse my lefty loving dating site for an appropriately skinny and bearded soul who will love me and my dog just the way we are. Some interesting observations about online boys in the meantime: - nearly all of them describe themselves using hideous generalisms such as easy going, fun loving, laid back. Seriously, who doesn't love fun?!? - a high percentage of them use the ubiquitous mountain climbing photo to lure you in. It's the online dating equivalent of Ron Burgundy doing bicep curls in the office - the vast majority really like spending time with their friends and family. No shit. Cutting through the chaff appears to be quite difficult but my head has been turned by a hottie in a karate kid Tshirt. It's a start. Anyway, online dating is not the only thing that's busying my days but for now it's a fun thing to blog about and if you want to know more you'll have to keep checking in.