I sleep in the middle of my bed

I have been incredibly tardy of late and usually I would come up with myriad excuses but this time I will be easy on myself. I am in the midst of buying my ex out of our beautiful little house. This is involving bank managers, solicitors and all sorts of other nonsense. Work is a mare and this all culminated in an embarrssing mid dog walk collapsing incident last Friday. Ambulance called, I was ferried off to my local hospital, where I spent a couple of hours being poked and prodded by a lovely doctor called Ken (not literally, you understand). He even offered to fashion some shorts out of my ripped up favourite dog walking jeans. Unfortunately I had experienced a temporary GSOH-bypass and had to rely on my mum to laugh at (flirt shamelessly with) Ken to protect his lovely doctor ego.

So fainting aside, I will update you on the last few weeks. I am continuing to date my Karate Kid Tshirt toting younger man and enjoying myself immensely. He continues to label me as his 'girlfriend', which I am playing along with nicely but to be honest, it makes me feel like a silly tween. 'Partner' makes me sound like a lesbian and 'wife' may be a little overbearing at this point so I guess g/f it is. He is good at dating. Very good. We have had some gym dates (shock! horror!), dates at his house eating scones, drinking tea (YORKSHIRE, OBVS) and watching Will Ferrel films, dates at wine tasting evenings where we had a 'pretentious comment off' and then bought some slightly expensive wine. Best of all was last Wednesday. After a particularly horrendous day at work (contributing, no doubt, to faint-gate) I went over to his. We went to Didsbury, had a couple of beers in a lovely, tiny bar and then had Tapas at around 10pm in the sunshine. I genuinely felt like I was on holiday.

So, why am I still hesitant about this guy. This lovely boy, who wants to spend all of his time with me and do lovely things for me? Here goes...

Hello. My name is LK. And I am a serial monogamist.

There, I said it. I am an excellent girlfriend. Seriously. I could do this shit professionally. I give everything in a relationship. I am happy, smiley, I cook, I am good with friends. Did I mention by parent-pleasing abilities? Second to none.

What I can't do is live in the moment and enjoy the bit between casual dating and declaring my undying love to someone. The bit where we DON'T live together and, actually, that is a good thing. I don't have a 3rd gear if you like. It's all or nothing. 

On Friday when I collapsed, I wanted all. I wanted him to run to my rescue and cocoon me for the weekend while I got better. WHat I actually did was act 'breezy'. I told him not to come over as he would inevitably meet my parents. NOOO! I fear I left him rather confused to the extent that when he did call in today, briefly for a couple of hours, I was devastated that he wasn't offering to stay the week just in case it happened again. I guess what I have learned is that articulating some of these feelings now and again wouldn't be a bad thing. Men like to feel useful and needed. He did bring me flowers though. And also looked super hot to boot. 

So tomorrow I am staying off work to do some much needed house admin and I will also think about some of these things. I don't want to jump in too quickly but allowing him to be my boyfriend may be a nice start.